We all want progress 9

If you review the progress you've made over the last three months by logging even smallest achievements, you'll begin to see a pattern of breakthroughs and how they are moving you closer to your dreams. (kajama.com)

So if I review my progress since December 1 I've

Nearly finished my book
Shot two commercials
Cut one voice over
Been an extra in a movie (A George Clooney movie!!!!!)
Done a lot of blog writing - paid and unpaid
Applied for a lot of jobs
Painted two rooms in my house
Went on a fabulous vacation (Hey, it SAID even the "smallest achievements")
Started going to the gym again
Created a website

Is that a lot to do in 3 months or are most people doing more than that? Am I an overachiever? A slacker? Right in the middle?

You know what? I really don't care. I'm feeling pretty good right now. I'm feeling positively positive. And I think the Universe is encouraging that feeling so I'm going to go with it.

My dream? I have a lot of dreams. My goals for 2009 - get a well-paying gig and get a role in one of movies being shot here. And if those happen to be one and the same....all the better!

The sound of my stupidity 7

When you hear the sound of your voice, you should be pleased. If you're not, find a better way to express yourself.

Seriously, how did I NOT get a call for a voice over audition today? I even walked right into TWO agencies today to drop off head shots -- nothing.

Though maybe I was supposed to be putting my voice over demo together. Doh!

OR, since I don't really like the sound of my voice I should have been writing. Double doh!

Am I ever going to get this right?

Next thing you know I'll be home schooling 6

Travel far beyond the normal avenues and let a whim take you to exciting new places. A permanent change could be in the making due to your experimentation and sincerity.

It was a whim kind of day - but who knows if it will really lead to anything. I went to an audition this morning for a character voice over - the type of spot I usually don't get called for. I'm not one of those people who have a million different voices in their head ... wait a minute, I DO have a million different voices in my head but they stay there and they are all yelling at me. They don't come out of my mouth in a million different forms to help me make money.

While I was there I asked about the commercial I was called back for on Wednesday, being sure to mention that I dragged my kid there with a broken arm. The agent said I didn't get the part, and they are still looking for teen girls, and as Daughter has been harassing me about not letting her audition I told the agent I would be back in the afternoon with Daughter.

She had a sleepover planned at the home of a BFF so I brought them both and BFF got to sit in and watch the audition. I don't think Daughter got the part either, but the agent asked if she could call her again. I refuse to believe that my entire career has been leading to this: showbiz mom. Yet the agent also asked if Son was available (as he stood there with an arm in one sling and about the wiggliest tooth you can imagine still being attached to his gums). So here I am. And I guess my future involves driving my children from audition to audition with makeup and scripts and clothing changes in the car.

Seriously, I thought this was still all about me.

Voiceover update #1

This morning I recorded the voice over (see June 18 and June 23) for USA Credit Union. Got to Ron Rose promptly at 9 am, only to find the other talent(s) are running late. Traffic. They are consummate voice over professionals; they know everyone and are immediately comfortable AND they have done these spots before. I'm the "guest voice."

All 3 of us go into the booth and they are both gargling and "la la la-ing" to warm up their voices, and I'm just standing there, willing myself to be confident. I did GET this gig after all.

We run through it a couple times, adjust the copy, then record a take. Then... the playback. I try not to break out in a cold sweat. All I can hear are the things I shouldn't have done. Still, no one says anything so I don't either.

It takes nearly an hour then we are done. I leave first; the other two need to cut the :15 second drops. The minute I get outside the Evil Voice Inside My Head says "You know they are going to call someone to get right in there and re cut your part."

I immediately called one of my friends, Camille, who is louder than the Evil Voice. Camille hates the Evil Voice and is trying to get me to make E.V. move out.

I'm thinking about it.

Would you like fries with that future? 2

You can have absolutely everything you want from the higher-ups. They'll be happy to support and advise you, and tip you on how to get where you want to go.

This is exactly the kind of horoscope I don't need. My friend Karen and I were just talking last week about our unwarranted optimism. Every time we answer the phone or get the mail there's always that hope that something unexpected - and wonderful - will show up.

And I felt it again today. That ridiculous sense of Everything is Going to Turn Out Fine. As hard as I am on myself, and there is no bigger critic than I, there is still a part of me that believes I CAN make a documentary and I CAN host a TV show, and I CAN get an agent and I CAN write lots more books.

So, higher-ups, wherever you are, whoever you are - these are the places I want to go. Any support, advice, and tips on how to get there are greatly appreciated.

The problem, or one of them anyway, is too much communication; my cell phone is glued to me, I check my email at least 10 times a day, and the decibel level of the ring on my house phone is set at Rock Concert. I also have an answering machine AND voice mail AND call waiting. It's too easy to get a hold of people these days, they might as well be sitting in your living room waiting for you to strike up a conversation.

So, when someone doesn't strike up a conversation OR continue with their side of the conversation you have started, well...it feels like you are being snubbed. I have started countless conversations all over the freakin' city and all I've got is the equivalent of people sitting across the room from me, staring at me blankly.

Have you read The Telephone Call by Dorothy Parker? It's a brilliant short story. I reread it over lunch in my copy of The Portable Dorothy Parker. It's told from the perspective of a nameless young woman who is waiting for her beau to call her; she is by turns pleading, angry, sad, bereft, joyous and desperate.

I know just how she feels.

OMG!!! Just as I was reading this over for typos before posting I got a call from the talent agency where I did the voiceover audition last week (see Wednesday June 18) and I GOT THE PART!

Now I'm REALLY freaked! Especially since I am cutting it tomorrow morning at 9 am. Usually on Tuesdays I have to pick up Daughter from skating in Farmington at 8:40 am, but tomorrow there is no skating!

I really don't see why the Universe doesn't try to make me happy more often. I'm like a puppy; one kind word and I'm on my back waiting for my tummy to be tickled.

Singing my own praises 7

Today's outgoing Sagittarius Full Moon falls in your 10th House of Career, revealing how your emotions can positively impact your professional life.

Interesting. Spent the morning being grateful for my awesome friends and writing another essay - that no one will probably buy. Was forced out of the house this afternoon to drive Son to a playdate and since I was out, dropped off headshots and resumes at local casting agencies. Might as well look for more opportunities to show off my bad acting skills! When I stopped at one, where I've been signed for nearly 20 years, the agent said, "Can you wait a few minutes?" I could (Son at playdate, Daughter glued to new Birthday Laptop) and did and when she came back she had a voiceover audition for me that had just come in. Since I didn't know it was coming I didn't have time to get nervous or worried and I think it may be the best voiceover audition I've ever had.

Light green candles to access the gentle, loving vibes of Venus as it sails into Cancer today. This aspect will also inspire your artistic side, so set aside time this evening to paint, write or sing.

I decided to write instead of sing. I don't know if you are grateful, but my family sure is.

REJECTED BY THE BEST

I recently submitted an essay to Hallmark Magazine and got a lovely email from Executive Editor Helen Rogan who rejected the essay but called my writing "smart and funny" (insert blushing and false modesty here). In an effort to figure out what Hallmark WOULD like to receive (Ms. Rogan also encouraged me to send in something again) I checked out the mag's website and discovered Ms. Rogan's blog, Life Lines, which I am ashamed to admit I had not read before. It is now a fixture in my recommended websites below. The Queen of Smart and Funny Writing called MY writing "smart and funny!" It's like Cindy Crawford just told me, "You know, you could be a model."

I have never been so excited to be rejected.

Astrological Tantrum 0

Every now and then, you're in the perfect astrological position to make your dreams come true. This is your time. All you have to do is stop searching. Let things unfold as they will. You can't help but find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

OK, Universe, I don't mean to sound doubtful, but the only thing I'm in the perfect position for is another panic attack. And haven't I had this one before? I think I need to go back through my 'scopes and check for repeat offenders.

This Astrology.com daily horoscope is anything but daily. Sure it arrives in my inbox every day; it comes with four different mini-scopes - an overview, love, energy and career, with a date above each for the time period it covers. It's kind of like a horoscope-biorhythm combination. So the date for the 'scope above(Overview) is March 21-August 5. So, again, not trying to be doubtful here, but not really seeing any dreams coming true. In fact, there is a part of me that thinks I need to grow up and give up on my dreams. I'm always a step behind. I just finished a great book - Bitter is the New Black by Jennifer Lancaster - who was not a writer and had no dreams to be one until she was unemployed and started a blog to work her snarky out - and it's not that I don't wish her success, because I do, but one of the reasons I read this book is because a friend told me "Oh my God, she writes just like you!" Then why don't I have a book deal? And there is not a week that goes by without someone asking me if I've voiced one commercial or another. There is a woman out there somewhere who sounds JUST LIKE ME who is making a freakin' fortune.

Have I not worked hard enough? Do I not want it bad enough? Where is the end of MY freakin' rainbow? Seriously, I'm ready. I will be mean and sarcastic, I'll neglect my family, I'll do whatever it takes but all you, Universe, can tell me to do is STOP SEARCHING? Well, I've been trying that too. I've stopped searching so much that I'm practically curled up in a fetal ball. Today I cried so much that I'm still dehydrated.

Now you want me to believe that I'm halfway across the rainbow, that if I wait patiently, without searching, until August 5 that my dreams will come true. Pardon me for needing a little proof. I've always needed feedback. That's why I have a writing PARTNER. I'm tired of being jealous and worried and seeing something shiny and getting all excited that it's my promised pot of gold only to find out that it's...a shiny piece of crap.

Don't promise what you can't deliver, Universe.