Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Oh, I'm branching out 10

Branch out socially, especially with people different from your other friends. It is beneficial to form relationships within realms you know little about.

All right, Horoscope, you wanted me to branch out so today I became a swimsuit model. (Not that I really think I could be a swimsuit model. I'm the Before AND the After. Supposedly these swimsuits can perform miracles. We'll see).

This is definitely a realm I know little about. However, if you show up tomorrow with a "keep all your clothes on" type of message just know that you are the one who pushed me into this.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Horoscopes for slackers 10

You could face and overcome your opposition, but it would take an awful lot of energy. It's probable that this battle is not important in the larger scheme of things.

I really wish I'd had some opposition to overcome today because it's not often that the Universe wants me to take the lazy way out. Today was opposition-free. Though maybe sleeping in was my inherent signal of non-combat to whatever force was going to confront me today. Maybe I scared away my opposition by not even bothering to show up right away.


Ha! Take that. I'll sleep you to death!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Where's he going?

Today there are two - TWO! - emails in my inbox from Astrology.com with the re: Win Him Back!

What do they know that I don't know?

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

No thank you 1

Your whimsical mood will inspire once-in-a-lifetime occurrenc­es. By the time you go to sleep, you will have been through an array of emotions.

Really? Because I have a lot to do today and I don't really have the time to run through a gamut of emotions. If the once-in-a-lifetime occurrences are good, I'll gladly accept them, but I'm a little too tired and have too much to do to deal with any big bad stuff.

Consider yourself warned.


No once-in-a-lifetime experiences yesterday. No array of emotions either. Sorry, Horoscope, you were waaaaaaaaay off.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Seriously?

Share what you learn with those who can appreciate your quirky musings. You make life fun for these people.

Quirky musings is all I've got, Horoscope, but they're not paying the bills. Unless you can think of a way I can support myself by providing approximately three people with a mild chuckle on a somewhat daily basis I don't really need your obvious observations.

Thanks for trying, though, I have some lovely parting gifts for you.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Red -10

Wear red to shed any nagging physical ailments that are slowing your movement.

Oh, Horoscope, you are in SO MUCH trouble today!!!!! Because I wore your stupid red today. When I got dressed I remembered "Oh, Horoscope wants me to wear red today!" so I put on a red shirt and guess what I got in the mail from RED Cross today?

What's that?

You want me to tell you?

Fine.

The RED Cross sent me a letter telling me I can't donate blood anymore because I tested positive for some virus in my blood (not THAT virus, btw) and that they may or may not have tested it again and it may or may not have been negative on the second test.

WTF?

Red Cross, you are on my list as well.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Back to the future 7

Some say the future isn't here yet, but you're not so sure. You have a fantasy version of tomorrow in your head that you play and repeat. This feels real and current.

It may feel real and current but it kinda sounds delusional. Doesn't it? Sure I have a "fantasy" version of tomorrow playing in my head, but tomorrow never comes....does it?

I'm asking a lot of questions tonight. Aren't I?

Ha!

Friday, April 10, 2009

Hopefully the message will be "go back to bed" 5

Your dreams will carry powerful messages under tonight's Scorpio Moon.

While this sounds good, I know myself. First, I'll keep waking up all night to see what I can remember from any dream I may have had and I'll end up getting a crappy night's sleep. Second, I'll wake up tomorrow morning exhausted and I'll remember bits and pieces of the freaky dreams I had and I won't be able to understand them, let alone try and discern some kind of message, and I'll feel dejected and depressed.

There's just so much to look forward to.


As I predicted.... I did wake up a few times, though not as many as usual (thank you Ambien!) and I can't remember all of my dreams but I do remember an old boyfriend posting an apology on my Facebook page for underestimating me.

So, what's the message? I had bad taste in men? Heard that one before. (Present husband excluded, of course).

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Charm school 2

You have charm to spare, but don't waste it. Expand your social horizons.

How can I waste it if I have enough to spare? And we'll just see if I'm charming today. I was up for 3 hours in the middle of the night waiting for back meds to kick in and am feeling exhausted and less than charming right now.

I have no social plans for today, but if any come up I am taking them. Yes, Universe, I am giving you another chance after yesterday's failure.

Social horizons were NOT expanded. On the other hand, I didn't waste any charm.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Messages in random places 0

You are open to signs of the universe and you’ll find them in the most random places. The messages are the same: Take a chance!

I hope I will be told exactly WHAT I am to take a chance on.

But you're right, Universe, I am open to signs. Bring 'em on! Hope I go to the right random places today. That would be horrible if my message was waiting for me in a barbershop or train station or some place I have no intention of going today.

Oh! And I hope it gets delivered by someone cute!

I did not get ANY 'take a chance' messages ANYWHERE yesterday! I was on the lookout too. This is so disappointing. I'd LOVE to take a chance on something. Anything.

Universe, you disappoint.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Working it 7

The Leo Moon will help you catch up on your housework today, which will alleviate that nagging feeling of disorder and chaos that has been hounding you. Wear or carry an onyx stone to stabilize your movements and generate a feeling of security no matter what outer circumstances look like.

How, exactly, did the Leo Moon help me catch up on my housework today? I seem to recall being the only one pushing the vacuum around. If you want the credit, LM, you have to actually pitch in, not just predict I'm going to do housework.

And I did wear onyx earrings today....freaky. I guess I felt secure, though I'm not sure the earrings had anything to do with it. I wore them to a film business event which was very crowded and little confusing. I met quite a few people, but it was hard to tell who actually had something to offer. You can't tell by appearances. The guy in the Miami Vice jacket may very well have a lucrative business but he certainly wasn't someone that I was going to approach. And the guy in the suit turned out to be an aspiring actor with fewer credits than I have.

Gee, Leo Moon, instead of "helping" me with the dusting you could have helped me meet someone who actually wanted to hire me today.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

April Fool's Day from my horoscope

Mistakes often pave the way for one remarkable accomplish­ment. Keep this in mind as you venture out.

I'm not venturing out anywhere until I know what today is! Is today Mistake Day or One Remarkable Accomplishment Day?