The (not so) great pretender 8

Keep in mind that there's no need to pretend that you are feeling lighthearted if you're not. Hang in there for a couple more days until this dark cloud passes.

Oh, thank God because if this pain (i.e. dark cloud) doesn't pass I don't know what I'm doing to do. Couldn't even bend down to kiss Son good night and as I shut out his light he said with a worried tone "Mom, make sure someone tells me if you die."

Terrific. Now I'm scaring my children.

Back to physical therapy next week for sure.

Ready for a rocket ride 7

Anything you start now will take off like a rocket, so start that new project or relationship with confidence.

OK then! I'm starting new websites and job prospects like crazy! My friend Jeanine called me an Atomic Idea Kitchen -- or something like that. And I feel pretty positive. I'm going to ask for everything I want, because I've heard NO before and I'm still alive.

I feel ridiculously confident. Perhaps because nobody spoke up and said Today's Distraction is garbage. Maybe you're all just being polite; but I appreciate it.

Dreaming 6

If you have been dreaming about making a change in your life, today you will get the chance to start making that dream come true!

Today wasn't any different than any other day. I don't know what was supposed to happen but it didn't. I realize that no miraculous Job Fairy is going to swoop down and whack me with her Magic Wand and I'll instantly and miraculously get paid to do exactly what I want but - honestly - that's what I was hoping for.

Husband and Daughter claim that I use "honestly" too much in conversation. And I probably do. They think it sounds like I'm lying the rest of the time that I'm not saying "honestly." Honestly, I think that's a load of crap.

So what is the change I'm dreaming of? Well, I reeeeeeeally want to make my new blog earn money. I mean I want someone to pay me for writing it. I mean...It feels so me. It feels so "Do what you love and the money will follow."

Here it is if you want to check it out todaysdistraction.com.

And if you want to write and tell me that no one is going to pay me to write that garbage I won't mind.

Honestly.

Your attention please 7

It's a good time for you to pay more attention to the areas of your life that you have been neglecting for awhile -- a long forgotten project, a needy neighbor, or a faraway friend. They may be out of sight and out of mind, but they still need your attention.

Definitely reminded of a forgotten project today, when I got an email from an agent who thinks my books looks "cute" but it's not for her. It's not long forgotten; I've been trying to rewrite the beginning and a perfect segue popped into my head the other day. I wrote it in a little notebook which has been lying open on my nightstand for three days now.

So I guess that's two reminders that it's time to pay more attention to my neglected book. Though what else have I been neglecting? Or who? I have lots of faraway friends, do I start calling or emailing and asking which one of them needs me?

Nothing obvious comes to mind and I feel like it should! Don't tell me to focus my attention but not tell me where, Universe. That's hardly fair. Though I was reminded of another project today; maybe that's it.

It can't be it.

The project is a screenplay and I'm a former radio personality and current soccer mom in Michigan with no connections and no agent and there's no way that even if I finish the thing anyone else is going to look at it.

But of course, that's what I'll be working on for the rest of the evening.

Memory lapse in judgment 7

You're more equipped than ever to accomplish what you were striving for long ago. Now what was it again? As soon as you remember, you'll make quick work of attaining the goal.

Oh, for Pete's sake!

When I was in Jr. High my best friend and I aspired to be lady truck drivers. Is that it? I really don't see semi school in my future - and why did I consider that a goal back then? I may have been 13 but I wasn't an idiot. Actually, I probably was. Idiotic enough to think that driving a truck was the best possible way to get out of my one-horse town. I was in the Honor Society, I really should have known better.

So what was I striving for? Is someone going to offer me a job tomorrow that requires me to sleep in, go to the spa, watch TV, watch someone ELSE clean my house and then write about it? Because that's the goal, baby. Oh, and it should pay REALLY well.

Guess I'm not any smarter now than I was when I was 13 after all. Not sure how I'm now more equipped to accomplish this, but I'm willing to go with it.

I know you are but what am I? 5

You don't need to be anyone other than who you are. Consider that the pressure you feel to perform, impress and dazzle your peers may be self-inflicted. You are accepted and loved exactly as is.

Why do I find it so difficult to believe that I am accepted and loved exactly as is? Maybe because I didn't feel very lovable today. I felt hot and cranky and in pain. I felt like I was melting into the lawn at the garage sale and I was very short-tempered with the "customers" who put a book (or anything) back because we told them it cost a quarter!!

I understand times are tight; that is exactly the reason I've been working this team fundraiser garage sale for two days. But, a quarter! For a book! Seriously people, get out more.

I feel this desperate need to perform and impress. Or at the very least, accomplish. All so that I will feel worthy of being loved.

I've read The Four Agreements; I know that if I don't love me I can't really expect anyone else to love me. I also know that if I don't love myself, it's harder to love others.

Why is this so difficult?

Who is walking around in love with themself?

Please let me know how you do it.

Homework due 6

Your career goals could shift when you discover a new passion that involves helping others or boosting productivity and organization.

While I am completely open to new passions, especially one that will involve helping others, I have a difficult time imagining myself boosting productivity and/or organization. I can barely maintain organization. In fact, sitting on my nightstand - still waiting to be read - is a copy of Organizing from the Right Side of the Brain. I need to know how to GET organized.

If organization were math I'd still be learning addition and subtraction not attempting algebra.

I didn't discover my new passion today, Universe, but I'm willing to still listen tomorrow. And perhaps I should do my homework and start reading too.

Make it work 9

What others think of your work is overly important to you now, perhaps because you are a bit insecure about the quality of what you do. But being concerned about someone else's judgment is not as useful as learning how to develop your own critical eye.

How could I NOT be feeling this way when I was hired to improv and be funny with strangers on the street? Yikes! I was totally insecure today about the quality of my work; did I over-promise? Was I too cocky? Did I talk my way into a gig that I can't follow through on? I have the oddest mixture of "skills" and I'm insecure about them because sometimes I wonder if they are even applicable in the real world. And is it really a "skill" to be able to stick a microphone in a stranger's face and ask them a ridiculous question?

I guess if you can do it without making them run away, it is.

My critical eye says I pulled it off. I evoked lots of responses, they collected lots of bites, and we finished much earlier than I expected.

THAT is what I do.

The cutest thing EVER (I think) 9

Got the following email from my daughter 10 minutes ago:

okay. look how accurate my horoscope is today:

You seem to have a better attitude today about life in general and even your friends should notice the change. You've been under a lot of stress recently and now it may feel like things are going to improve. This is a prime time to begin any sort of creative project, especially one around the home.

its better casue i passed my test and i have been under a lot of pressure lately and i did want to clean out one of my drawers. very accurate.


I'm really not sure how I feel about this. OK, that's a lie. The girl is 13 years old and if she wants to still do ANYTHING that is remotely like me I am thrilled.

AND she wants to clean out one of her drawers!

Why don't you throw in a flat tire for the hell of it? 6

You'll have to wait for outer blocks to clear. You'll also keep getting mixed messages from others, which will make it difficult to see the truth as the Moon drifts through your sign. Defending your own beliefs will be a sign of your deepening connection with Spirit. You'll be empowered to face a confrontation or conflict in a calm and wise manner this week, thanks to your tarot card, the High Priestess.

Seriously, This is what you're giving me on a MONDAY? Where do I punch out? I don't need mixed messages, or being defensive, or confrontation. This week hasn't even begun and I already want it to be over. I thought what I KNEW I was facing was bad enough: Daughter's big skating test tomorrow, video gig in undetermined city at undetermined time on Wednesday, skating team garage sale this weekend. I don't need any more crap! I don't have time for any more crap.

Universe, I am sitting in the corner and holding my breath until you change my prognosis.

I wish today was my birthday 7

You're making inroads in arenas that have, until now, been closed to you. You're not different; it's the atmosphere that's changed. This is your time, so make the most of it.

I think that I'm hoping this is true more than I believe it really is true. And why would the atmosphere have changed? Is the world suddenly on the look out for slightly dumpy, middle-aged, somewhat sarcastic women?

If so, then it definitely is my time.



If Today is Your Birthday

You are a blessing.

That's it. A blessing. Not a helping hand, or a good friend, or a pretty face. A blessing.

I would love to be a blessing.

Slightly ..... something 6

If you're slightly uncomfortable in a new role, chalk it up to growing pains. Pat yourself on the back for being willing to expand your awareness and influence. You'll be ready for the big opportunities on the horizon.

Totally talked myself into a gig today. In yesterday's audition update I mentioned the man-on-the-street interview gig I was submitted for, and today the agency called and said the company wanted to call me and experience my "zaniness" over the phone so the agent gave them my cell phone number.

I got this call right before heading into a real job interview, which was so tacky and painful that as soon as I got out the door I called the zany-interview gig chick and said "My mission is to convince you to hire me. This is my dream job."

It IS my dream job; walking around with a microphone and a camera, goofing with people and having fun. That is MY idea of work.

HELLO big opportunities!!

Love Me Do 9

Be patient with a loved one who continues to rebel or ignore you, and simply restate your boundaries.

That loved one is my son who decided to run away and live in the woods.

I had an audition today so my 20-year old niece, who had her two half-sisters visiting, came over to stay with Son for me. Daughter is still at Boot Camp and I am already spoiled by having a free sitter in the house. Niece, a true doll, pinch hit.

My younger Niece and Son were playing video games and having a grand old time when I returned so I told older Niece to go to her meeting and leave younger Niece with us for a while. Which was great until I interrupted the video games for dinner. After dinner there were disagreements about what to do, where to play, etc. Son and Niece finally decided to go back to video games but Son flipped out when Niece got upstairs and started the game before he could get there. He came downstairs, put on his flip-flops and announced he was running away to live in the woods.

"OK," I said. "But do you want me to pack you some food? You might get hungry."

"I'll eat trees and leaves," Son growled. (I hate it when writers use words other than 'said' but he really did growl.)

"Um, you didn't even like the one green bean I made you eat for dinner," I said. "I don't think you're really going to like trees and leaves. Are you sure I can't pack you some food?"

Son, recognizing my logic, wavered. Then started crying.

"How about I just have some chocolate milk."

He drank the chocolate milk then informed me that his life was still terrible (seriously, this is a boy who played Lego Indiana Jones on the PlayStation 3 for no less than 4 hours today. What the hell does he have to complain about?) and that he was going to live with his friend, M.

So I called M.'s house. No one home.

Fine. Son says he will go live with E.

I call E.'s house, praying that no one is home again but E.'s mother answers. She's a good friend and I haven't seen her in a while as they just returned from a trip. As she is recounting the adventure to me, Son leans forward and says between clenched teeth:

"Cut to the chase."

HOW am I supposed to keep from laughing at this? It's all I can do to keep it together while I change the topic and tell E.'s mom the real reason for my call. She gets it immediately and says that E's older brother eats non-relatives at midnight. She's awesome.

Son and I have a long discussion about why his life is so bad here. He's basically tired of riding around in the car to ice rinks because of Daughter's skating (and who can blame him? I'm over it myself). I tell him that I'm working very hard to keep him out of the car and that Daughter really appreciates his patience because she knows it's been hard on him.

"Yeah. She told me that once."

I simply restated my boundaries. "I love you and will cry every day if you leave."

Those are my boundaries and I'm sticking to 'em.


Audition Update #2

The waiting room was filled with "business" people. Only two were talking and the rest of us eavesdropped on their conversation about working on the movie sets here in town and which stars are difficult to work with. (Oh, Ellen Page, I'm sure you are just misunderstood.) I auditioned with a gentleman (insert throat-clearing) who spent 7 1/2 minutes trying to work out his character's motivation, attitude, history and what he had for breakfast.

Part of me wanted to say, "Dude, it's not brain surgery. Move on." But another part of me wondered, "Am I supposed to be asking questions about my character's motivation? Do I not look like I know what I'm doing because I'm just sitting here and smiling?"

As far as I could tell, my character REALLY wanted everyone to understand that they only had 8 WEEKS to complete the assignment, so I just concentrated on sounding as nice, yet insistent, as possible while I said my lines.

Got home, got a call for another gig that the agency wanted to submit me for. Some thing's gotta hit. Right?

What to wear? What to wear? 2

You're aching to get training in a certain area, but the price for this has been unaffordable. Finally this changes.

Hmmmm, what have I been aching to get training in? Lots of things, but no teachers were knocking down my door today. I did get a call for another audition, which leads me to...

Audition Update #1 - One line, one chance

Thought I totally pulled off the look of suburban wife and mom who is distraught over the thought of losing broadband. Went in with my husband, Jerome, and my daughter, Arola (at least I think that's her name). We ran through it once. Once. They said thanks and moved us right along. Now I KNOW that other groups did it more than once, because all of us sitting in the waiting room heard them through the wall, so WTF? I thought we did a really good job, so maybe they saw all they needed to see. But why not give us another shot too?

I walked out with Jerome and told him my theory: that they were so impressed with us they didn't need to see any more. He responded with a positive "See you at the shoot!" The shoot is next week, so we should know soon.

Got a call for another audition tomorrow. Different agency, different format. I have to look corporate and "classy." Also got a call for a job interview on Thursday, although I am not holding out hope that it's anything I want to do because the very young-sounding assistant said "All you need to bring is your resume. And dress professionally."

Do people need to be told to dress professionally when they are going to a job interview? Are they dressing like they're headed for a barbecue?

Never mind; don't answer that.

Let the sun shine 4

Meditate on the power of your tarot card, the Sun, to boost your confidence and tap into an endless source of energy.

It was an up and down day, and I could use some energy. Got Daughter off to Boot Camp with her skating team, then had to deal with an issue from 5 hours away. I felt so helpless. I know she's fine; but will I ever get rid of this instinct to protect her?

A friend called with some great news: a new job and a potential agent. She's worked hard and deserves every last bit of success. So why am I so jealous? Why do I feel like her success means there's none for me? I know it's ridiculous, I know there's enough to go around. We don't even write the same kind of stuff! But the petty little part of me can't stop whining "What about meeeeeeeeeee?"

The friend part of me is INCREDIBLY thrilled for her and knows that no one deserves it more than she.

And I did get a call for an audition tomorrow. Stay tuned for another episode of Stacey DuFord: Bad Actress.

So, Sun, it's your turn today. Boost my confidence.

Win a free trip 4

Your luck will continue to grow over the next two weeks, and a gift of money or free trip could fall into your lap at any moment.

As I just got back from a trip I'll take the money, thanks. We had a fabulous time in Toronto - though it was the most brutal drive we've ever had. We drove through Sarnia instead of Windsor and were making great time, but didn't get on the right freeway so we headed into town near the airport...with all the traffic. The traffic was stop and go from 60 miles away! I know this sounds incredibly prejudiced, but my confidence in the driving ability of Canadians has been shattered.

The foot traffic downtown was just as crowded, I've never seen the city so busy. Son loved it; I think at heart he is a city boy. He just loved all the action. And he loved creating reactions, too. While we waited in the Hard Rock Cafe gift shop for our table to be ready Son decided to strike a "guitar player" pose in the window of the store. People were walking by, pointing, and cracking up! Once again I didn't know whether to be proud or embarrassed.

We saw We Will Rock You on Saturday afternoon and it was just as great as last year; though I did have to cover Son's eyes during the kissing. He's anti-love right now. Had dinner with Husband's cousins, walked all over the town, did some great shopping. We managed to fit a lot into a weekend.

I'm rested, rejuvenated, and ready for my good luck. Bring it on! You promised!

Book 'em, Danno! 1

You can safely act on your first impulse now in any and all circumstances. You've been bestowed with wisdom, well-deserved confidence and uncannily good timing.

Goody for me!

I really tried to feel this way all day but my kids were making me nuts! I feel like Bad Mom as I write this, but they were so annoying I just wanted to lock myself in my room. They were asking me the same questions without listening to the answers and taunting each other. At one point I actually said, "Remember yesterday? When you both were listening and helpful and we had a great day? How about continuing with that plan?"

Part of the problem is the Police Set I bought Son at the dollar store yesterday. It came with a plastic whistle, plastic gun, and plastic handcuffs - which he is obsessed with. Yesterday he thought Daughter and I were making fun of him and he put the cuffs on me and perp-walked me into his room. Then he removed the handcuffs and said "We need to have a little chat. You can sit down if you like." I felt like I was on Law & Order!

I think I'll hang on to this 'scope for tomorrow, Universe, if you don't mind. I really didn't have the opportunity to use it today.

(Wed) The First Cut is the Deepest 6

Although clarity of mind helps you make better decisions, too much rationalization can get in the way of trusting your intuition. Don't let logic rule your day.

Ha! Spent the day trying to come up with a (logical) title to describe the creative, intuitive way that I work and it just didn't happen. Spent about half the day on thesaurus.com and still got nowhere.

Husband and I went to the Rod Stewart concert at DTE - we see him every year. Husband has a group of buddies he usually sees concerts with but I'm the date for RS because, well, it just wouldn't look cool to show up with a group of guys to see Rod Stewart. And I have to agree. Last night's audience looked like a dental hygienist convention. A group of nice, average, sweet women who you'd let stick a hand in your mouth. There were a few token husbands but mostly groups of 3-7 women all dressed up and out for a Girl's Night. Surprisingly (or maybe not), the median age was 55. We were definitely on the young end. (Although, I was stunned later to smell pot. We were surrounded by people aged 50-70; I was dying to know who was smoking!)

One of the token husbands sat two rows ahead of me and was so freakishly extra tall that even with the sloping floor he towered above me and blocked my view of the stage. This reminded me of my vow to run for public office on the platform of public seating by head size. In my world, your head size is printed on your driver's license and when you buy your tickets you are told where you can sit so you don't block some unfortunate tiny-headed person's line of vision.

Last night was also the second night in a row we heard The First Cut is the Deepest performed. Hard to tell who did it better, Sheryl or Rod. Don't make me choose; I just don't have the clarity of mind!

(Tues) One face two face 4

Abundance will take the form of new friendships or exposure to new schools of thought as opposed to money or material possessions now. It's time to quit talking about a change you want to make and just do it!

I liked yesterday so much better.

And I don't mean to be ungrateful, but I'm plenty abundant in friends and new thoughts and could use some plain old money right now. I'll even skip the material possessions, kinda good on those as well. In fact, trying to unload some on ebay.

Sent out flyers to 10 schools today and worked on my Creativity resume. Didn't make any new friends but had a great time with some old ones at the Sheryl Crow concert. Though I did get a little freaked out when the house lights went up a little bit and I realized that the bald man sitting directly in front of me had a face tattooed on the back of his head - and it had been staring at me all evening! Was quite relieved when he (and his extra face) left early.

What is that about?

So many good horoscopes, so little time 8

Right now, your heart is open to new beginnings. You are ready to toss aside old habits and old ways of viewing things.

I am! I'd feel totally queer about practicing The Power of Positive Thinking except that I think it's actually working. Son and I ran some errands this afternoon and as we were on our way home I remembered that I NEED to pick up a form at DSC so Daughter can take a very important skating Moves test this month. We got stuck in traffic because of the PGA Championship that has shut down Maple Rd., and instead of being cranky about sitting in traffic I just thought "Thank you for reminding me that I need to pick up this form!" The bad traffic (on the way there AND on the way home) didn't destroy my good mood.

I'm sure I will still get frustrated. 44 years of habit doesn't go away in a week. But I'm feeling ok about it. Like I'm not stuck (in traffic - ooooh, an analogy!) for the rest of my life.

Doors that have been blocked to you for months will reopen under today's Virgo Moon, and you'll be able to start moving towards your dreams at last. With the new clarity and direction you'll be receiving from the Universe, it will be easier than ever to determine your next move.

Not so sure if doors were unlocked today or if I just heard someone moving around on the other side so I know there's someone back there. Regardless, I am feeling more optimistic. A local bookstore contacted me this evening for an appearance next month! Who'd a thunk it? I'm feeling good about my project book, and my school flyer is ready to go out with an awesome letter - written by Husband.

That crowd forming around you consists of fans, all of whom are lining up to catch a glimpse of you. It's up to you to keep them at bay while still holding on to their everlasting love and admiration. Smile pretty and wave elegantly. Remember -- it's elbow, elbow, wrist, wrist.

I'm not good with crowds, but who am I to turn away admiring fans? Though I'm still struggling to wave -or do anything - elegantly.

Your confidence is refreshed.

'Nuf said.

Where's my checkbook? 9

Your financial situation is looking good, right now, but is it too good to be true? Making bold investment moves might be exciting right now, but you still need to take your time. Read things through, and be very careful. You worked hard for your money, so you have to work hard to make sure it will grow.

So I see you've been checking out the books on my nightstand, Universe. Over the weekend (while recovering from the back episode) I read Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Elker. I am definitely guilty of #14 - Rich people manage their money well. Poor people mismanage their money well. Though I am really not a mismanager, I am an Avoider. And I avoid managing money because I don't think I have enough to manage. As he points out (on page 147) "Until you show you can handle what you've got, you won't get any more!"

OMG! I'm a parent, I should know that lesson. If my kids can't handle something I certainly don't give them MORE of it. Now I feel like I've been living like a crazy person.

At this time I don't have enough for any "bold investment moves," but I do need to start managing what I do have better. This is very unfamiliar territory for me. Thanks for watching out for me, Universe.

Though I'd still like to know when my big triumph is going to arrive (see yesterday's 'scope). Will it be learning how to manage the money I don't have yet? Darn! I'm not supposed to be trying to figure out WHAT it is. This is harder than waiting for Christmas!

Don't tease me, Baby 5

The best of your triumphs is yet to come, but don't try to predict what it will be.

Come on!

A little hint?

Is it bigger than a breadbox?

How about if I don't try to guest WHAT it will be, you - dear Universe - let me know WHEN it's going to happen? That way at least I'll be a little bit prepared: hair colored, teeth whitened, house clean, babysitters lined up, etc.

Seriously, "yet to come" is so vague. I know you can do better than that. 2008? 2009? 2010? Am I going to "hit it" when I'm 80?

And it's not that I don't believe you, because I do. I have to admit, for a while there I was starting to think that I had already peaked, that my 15 minutes of minor fame were all I was going to get. But I know there's more than that. I know it's really about the fun of creating, the joy of working with people and helping them succeed as well. So there's got to be more, because that's the stuff I kind of ignored before. I get it. I paid attention.

How about one little clue?

Please?

Upright, but not deep (Fri) 2

Connect with others on superficial levels without worrying about getting too deep.

Too doped up to be deep today. At least I can get up, though I am still moving slowly. Daughter came home from skating camp. She looks taller, and older, and her hair looks longer. She's been gone less than a week!

I'm too nervous to lift anything heavier than a magazine or move too quickly. And I have determined that I need to find a lucrative source of income so I can pay someone to do all the things I can't -- like lift things that are heavier than a magazine.

Thursday - Out of commision 0

Your organizational skills will be put to the test as you strive to create more space and freedom of movement at work and at home.

NO freedom of movement for me today. Last night I fell asleep on the couch watching Sex and the City and when I woke up I could barely move. The pain was so bad I couldn't sleep. It took me 29 minutes to walk down the stairs for pain meds and I knew there was no way I'd make it back up the stairs without screaming or crying so I stretched out on the couch where Husband found me at 6:30 AM and helped me back upstairs to bed.

By then the pain was so bad I couldn't even turn my head without shooting, stabbing pain down my back and legs. Son had to fetch me water and turn the lamp on for me. Luckily, Jill came by to drop off stuff for the garage sale and she went and picked up my meds and set out lunch for Son. Another great friend, Sue, took Son in the afternoon to play with her son and fed him dinner. I am so lucky to have such great friends, but can't believe the PAIN. And I don't even know what I did! How does a 20-minute nap (even in the wrong position) warrant this kind of pain?

And how could the Universe not foresee this? How about a little warning?