Dream weaver 9

Pluto will turn direct and kick off a new six-month cycle, which will inspire you to recharge and revise some dreams that have been forgotten or on hold.

Interesting. Got an email from a supportive synchro dad/producer who was checking on my documentary progress. There has been no progress; I've pretty much given up since the season started and I realized it wasn't going to happen. But I'd saved all his old emails as they had tons of advice and I read through them again and started looking around again today for someone to partner up with or work with or just plain hand me a big fat check.

I'm noticing, though, that I am not promised that these retreaded dreams will work out, just that I'll be working on them for the next 6 months. I'm just going to go on ahead and act like there'll be money coming in from that.

And now that I think about it, wasn't Pluto demoted from Planet to Spaceball (or something like that) a few years ago? Am I really basing my hopes and dreams on a downgraded space rock?

Why, yes. I believe I am.

Timing is everything 2

Almost effortlessly, you can go beyond people's expectations without breaking a sweat. The key is you just can't think too much about it. Pondering your next move is going to paralyze you.

Who wouldn't get paralyzed thinking about that? There are people out there with some pretty high expectations of me and getting beyond them is not only going to be sweaty, it's going to be ugly and gross and might just be impossible.

I wish I knew what action to take. At this point, there isn't anything else I can DO except approach more strangers and ask for money. It doesn't help that I just read an article in Newsweek about documentaries. It seems that after a few were popular a few years ago distributors went crazy buying up new ones and lost a ton of money so now they are skittish. Great. I really thought my timing was working out this time.

I need to effortlessly meet someone rich and powerful.

Suddenly, without warning! 9

Uranus turns Retrograde! Expect the Unexpected!

This was the heading of an email (from Astrology.com) in my inbox today. I think it's accurate, the unexpected has been happening. The kids and I drove to my sister's outside of Grand Rapids yesterday so I could talk to girls at her Girl Scout Camp about the fun of writing. When I called home to see if there were any messages, there was one from the talent agency about another audition! This time a TV spot; no lines, but lots of emotion.

When I got home today there was an email waiting from someone I had approached about investing in the documentary - who asked to see the proposal! I'm desperately trying not to count my chickens before they are hatched, but ... 1 chicken! 2 chicken! 3 chicken! 225,000 chickens!

OK, I'm calm now. And I think I did a decent job at the audition today, too. I couldn't get a tear to actually slide down my cheek but was able to well up as my audition "Husband" said his line. Hopefully, the camera was able to catch the dewy, sad glint in my eye.

Of course, I have several friends who will tell me that none of this is "unexpected" at all; that it was simply a matter of time. I think that's the unexpected part - the Universe is very good about making things happen, but in it's own sweet time. It likes to watch you get totally depressed and sure that nothing will ever happen for you again then - SURPRISE! - here's everything you wanted! Hee hee.

Fine, Universe, have it your way. And I'll have it mine.

Would you like a little Muzak while you're waiting? 2

Mercury, the planet of communications, turns direct on June 19. It's time to get back into full swing, finishing projects that may have been on hold either due to fuzziness of mind, unforeseen delays or someone's non-committal behavior. The barriers should now be lifted and the path to progress is clear. It's also the perfect time to start fresh. So whether you want to move ahead with a business venture, a creative project, a relationship or anything else, get going! Cosmically, there's nothing stopping you!

So THAT's been the problem, I've been cosmically on hold. Does that mean on Friday all the people I've approached about funding the documentary are suddenly going to return my calls? Are these people all aware that the cosmic gates are being lifted and it's time to get in touch with me? I hope they are reading their horoscopes, and I hope they read something like

It's time to find that underdog with a creative project and do everything you can to help her.

I don't feel like the cosmos has been what's holding me back. I know I've been holding me back, and I know I married a realist who is getting tired of funding all my crazy ideas. I don't blame him. Our children are going to need to go to college and I keep begging for more time saying "This one's it! I just know it!"

I don't know it.

I wish he believed in me half as much as my friends do. They make me feel invincible, incredibly talented, and funny as hell. One thing I KNOW I do really well is choose friends and if I could make a career out of that I'd be rich. Really, I am rich. Who could ask for anything more than a group of people who will read your whiny blog and send you Cheer Up and Think Positive You Talented Be-yotch emails?

And lest anyone start creating a Husband Voodoo Doll; the man has been very supportive. He's ready to do whatever it takes to help me get a real job.

Speaking of real jobs ... here's another 'scope for today ...

Someone at work has a crush on you, and it will be easy to tell who if you just open your eyes! Whether you choose to respond or not, this will be great for your ego.

I don't want a real job. Except - if I get one - maybe someone there will have a crush on me! Oh, the possibilities!

Universe, you are a tease.

I intend to find out my intention - 1

You may feel so funny about your true intentions that you keep them a secret, even from yourself. Admit what you really want and the people who can provide it magically appear on the scene.

Not only have I kept my true intentions a secret from myself ..... I am not telling! I've tried bribing me, threatening me, cajoling me, everything. But I am not spilling my secrets. Not even to myself.

I always thought an intention you was something you did, or meant to do. But I guess it's really more like a plan. My intention is to...

I intend to...

Nope. There's no getting it out of me. I am a vault.

Well, I know what I really want. I want someone to invest in the documentary so I can get to work on it. I'm scared to death and I know it will be a lot of hard work and I'm worried that Daughter won't pass her tests and even got rostered on the darn team and I can't get the website working like I want and I don't feel capable enough or smart enough or experienced enough but I WANTWANTWANTWANTWANTWANTWANT to do it.

So I guess I'm just waiting for someone to magically appear. (Though I have to admit that a production crew and a cool team have already magically appeared. Why am I doubting the money? Because I always doubt the money.)

Hopefully, whoever they are, they will be magically delicious!

Go left, no go right! - 10

The voices in your head, whether spirit guides or your own, can be sending you conflicting messages today. It's hard to know exactly what to believe and what to do with so much mental turmoil.

Ah, so much turmoil. I nearly had a panic attack this morning.

If the number of books on the topic is any indication, I'm not the only with negative voices in my head. Oprah has covered the topic ad nauseum. And why do we listen to the negative voices when they are in our head? Had an argument over dinner with Husband who insists that no one is going to give me $200,000 to make a documentary. I was incredibly mad at him for being so unsupportive. I even said that, "You are so unsupportive!" But when it's ME saying it to me, well, I listen and agree.

You're probably wondering what happened to the Eternal Optimist who was blogging here just 48 hours ago. Frankly, so am I. Negative Stacey has beaten her into submission and she is cowering in a corner, holding her dreams tightly lest they be wrenched from her arms and tossed in the garbage.

Negative Stacey reminds me of British Mom. British Mom is just me with a British accent, but Husband and the kids like it and beg me to do it all the time. One night, when I must have been in a cranky mood, the kids begged for British Mom. "She's so much nicer," said Husband. "Really?" I responded in the begged-for accent, "Cuz she thinks you're all quite stupid."