Dear Horoscope, All I Really Wanted To Hear Is That I'm Going To Win The Lotto 0 (updated)

You will show tremendous heart as you support someone who may or may not come through. This is more about loyalty than winning. Loved ones appreciate your encouragement.

Isn't it always?

(This is for January)
Your social circle will explode at the solar eclipse on the 4th, and energetic Mars will ensure that every face you meet brings opportunities. On this same date, Jupiter and Uranus will conjoin for the last time until 2024, and you could get an exciting offer that will leave you speechless. It's likely to be career oriented, given Venus also enters this sector on the 7th. When the full moon arrives on the 19th, your closest relationship will culminate precisely the way you'd hoped. Though you've had financial problems over the past few months, when Jupiter moves into Aries on the 22nd, any money troubles will be long forgotten. This is a rare chance to reach fiscal fortitude-- seize it!!

Well, well, well, January Horoscope, you are full of promises and money. Today is the 4th and the only people I really plan to see today are the carpet cleaners and the only opportunity I can imagine them bringing me is the chance to have cleaner carpets but you are just so darn positive that I am prepared to be open-minded. Bring on the friends and money!

2 pm. I haven't encouraged anyone (yet) today (though I did help a guy out in the produce aisle at the grocery store) and I forgot to buy a ticket for the $330 million lotto so I guess I won't be winning that. I remain open-minded, Horoscope. Bring it on!

So, Horoscope, there were LOTS of promises made for yesterday: new people, new opportunities, money, offers, etc. What did I get? A COLD! And many of the other horoscopes for yesterday and the month (which I did not reproduce because Blogger no longer has the cut and paste option which is really irritating and making me consider moving this blog - yet again) promised that I would reap the benefits of all my hard work from last year so when NOTHING showed up did I doubt you, Horoscope? No. I doubted ME. Maybe I didn't work hard enough last year. Maybe I didn't do enough to deserve rewards.

What is wrong with me? Why is there even a part of me that would choose to think that because unnamed and hypothetical riches failed to show up that I must be undeserving? I'm still struggling with this. Part of me WANTS to believe. But how can I believe when all that belief does is make me doubt myself?