What IS Jupiter's plan for me?

Re: of an email from Tarot.com.

What is Jupiter's promise to you?

I had no idea that Jupiter had promised me anything. I was kind of excited - is it chocolate? Alas, no. According to the email (which is trying to sell me some kind of Jupiter-centric astrological report):

The brilliant Sun is forming a harmonious angle to Jupiter, the largest planet in our solar system. The Sun represents your core self while Jupiter is the planet of expansion and abundance. It's time to expand your vision of who you are and what you're capable of ... to explore and understand your own powers of expansion.

If there's anything I DO understand it's my own "powers of expansion." If I even sniff a Cinnabon I gain five pounds. I don't really need this power explained to me, unless Jupiter has the answer as to how I can actually eat the Cinnabon without the inescapable expansion.

The email also says:

Understanding Jupiter in your unique birth chart is the key to realizing your potential for growth and fulfillment.

Weeeeeeell, what if Jupiter is not in a good spot in my birth chart? What if Jupiter is at the position that represents Minimal Growth and Fulfillment? Do I really want to know this? Do I really want to spend $17.95, hoping the entire time that Jupiter has a plan for me to eventually become President (or at least Governor of Alaska) only to find out that I've already peaked? That my Growth and Fulfillment are over?

No thanks. I'd rather spend the money on half a manicure.